I Kill Giants

by I Kill Giants

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1.
00:44
2.
04:06
3.
03:25
4.
5.
02:06
6.
02:47
7.
02:42
8.
01:14
9.
04:15
10.

credits

released 19 April 2013

Recorded, Mixed, & Mastered by Ryan Stack at Format Audio
Artwork by Louis Broadhead

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Track Name: Traveler
i walked out to your car
made sure I had my wallet, keys, and phone in pocket
then I got inside
if I had known how long
before I'd be alone again
i would've said I didn't have the funds to spend
it was exactly what I wanted
it was precisely what you didn't want
but I deem myself a traveler.
Track Name: Larry Jr.
i just wanted to be the face of neutrality
i never wanted to leave.

sinking in, striking out
shifty tongue, broken ideas

the machine inside me
spits out numbers violently,
vomits expletives unnecessarily.
it won't let me be.

i want to see the birds and the bees
won't always be permanent.

to everybody that i love today:
i want to feel ashamed.

i can see the birds and the bees
will always be permanent
and if the world teams up on me, i guess..

i only want you around when you're not around.
but now you're gone,
brushing your teeth with a cigarette.
i only want you around when you're not around.
but now you're gone,
choking on a cigarette.

i can see the birds and the bees.
i want to feel affirmative.
i believe in what you believe--
i'm pouring under,
spilling under,
i'm down on my knees.
Track Name: Calendar
i hold my tongue like a realist
there's no more water in the company fridge
you've got the word set to make a kid wish he was dead.

i take the stairs because it wastes more time
i want to kiss your mouth, but i'm scared to try
it's only sad if i don't come back with someone on my mind

after four months, i saw you laugh
i didn't think it would feel the same
but then i saw your face in diners and concerts,
well i'll fuck off now.

reset, replace.
life has taught me "irreplaceable".
everyone makes me so uncomfortable.

we can live in the exact same place.
we can watch a hundred million things.
if we never go to bed we won't have to wake up.

leave my room like i'm ready to start
walking around with a disposable heart
slip heavy into love again and feel left out.

i'll get home okay, if you're waiting for me.
i'll make a fool of me, irreversibly
if the water's anything less than sixty degrees.
can you teach me to be irreplaceable?
i can believe in anything. i am versatile.
Track Name: Part 1 / Part 2
part 1:
beeline towards my own front door, past the reunion in your room. you're staying away, i'll just erase your name right off the face of the whiteboard. i fill this space with antidotes, and other people's momentos. you're staying away, i won't do the same, i can't. you're not my friends, you're not. you're not my friends, on the whiteboard in the kitchen.
so stop pretending. it's freezing in my room, it's always cold. i stripped these walls of "home". you're staying away, i won't do the same, i can't. you're not my friends, you're not. you're not my friends, on the whiteboard in the kitchen. so stop pretending. you're my best friend, but on the surface, no, you're not. and no one's in the middle; it's always empty.

part 2:
the first time i ever felt alive, i was fourteen when he clocked me right in the eye. i thought that i was bleeding, but i confused the blood with my sweat dripping down my lens. what a horrible thought i had, when i thought i wouldn't be coming back to this punk rock band with low self-esteem. and the sad songs they sang to you, you often misconstrued the liturgy with something sweet, like an autobiographical movie.
and if this is what being alive feels like,

then let me feel alive.
Track Name: Lucky Shirt
let me just reiterate:
I'll keep the anecdote about altruistic intentions for my drinking
i know it's too late to say i'm wrong
for throwing up on my lucky shirt at your house.

at least i'm doing this for them while you ain't doing shit.
i still call them both my best friends.
even though i'm existential,
i'm not leaving them out.

don't ever make anyone apologize for what you said.
if you're this contradicting when sober,
i hope that you fall of your high horse,
and into your own trail of shit.

doll bangs and a mouth like gasoline.
two kids on a broken trampoline.
doll bangs and a mouth like gasoline.
oh god, she's talking so fast.

doll bangs and a mouth like gasoline.
oh god, now she's talking to me.
make her stop, please.
Track Name: Collector
i feel fine when the stars align,
i feel fine when my body's warm.
you feel fine all the time.
it fucking feels cold.

it's just the kids these days--
they make me feel so old.
i don't feel comfortable in my own skin.
i think the best is only over.

the night is slowly closing in,
and i'm staring at my thighs.
you watch an episode and nothing more,
i think i'd rather not be sober.

i feel fine when i'm walking home.
the cold waits til i get inside.
but i can't tell the difference.
i hate you for this.

it feels like yesterday,
you were closing up my blinds,
you didn't want the world to see you
in my bed and sleeping past morning.

it's hard enough to say
i'm taking care of myself
when i'd give the world for nothing more
than a call, just telling me you're still the same.

you collect,
when i grind my teeth,
when it's hard to breathe
you collect,
when i watch the time,
when you're on my mind
you collect,
when i see your name,
when i blame the pain,
you collect.
Track Name: Windmills
move me to where i can see
the rocks & stars & green
you're so gorgeously content
in the smallest apartment.

struck by the saltiest sea
you seem brighter than i guessed
patron saint of undress,
that's as honest as i'll get.
Track Name: Part 3
i know your throat feels so damn thirsty
but the Brita's empty once again in the fridge
i'm sorry Matt for being such an asshole,
but the hole in the wall feels lonelier than it did.

when i was seventeen
and the train tracks seemed so kind
now my hometown's on TV
and the worst part feels so far from over

and if i'm not bleeding,
you can just assume i'm doing fine.
I know my hands seem dry,
But just assume it's cold outside.
i'm sorry Mom, i've been lying this whole time.
but don't you worry now, 'cause i've been talking to Caroline.

when i was seventeen
and the train tracks seemed so kind
now my hometown's on TV
and the worst part feels so far from over

--

There is nothing more miraculous than the exit 167 sign on the Garden State Parkway
The green glimmer glazed upon the horizon
Beckoning my name, distant but not forgotten.
My heart is a factory off the New Jersey Turnpike
Fumigating industrial waste into my paper lungs
My chest, six panels and dotted coloring
Hiding in burrows disguised as Babylon
Writing off talking in my sleep as a reason to stay away from people.

When I know, i'm just terrified of people.

I know that no matter how hard I try
I am still drawn to the loading dock behind the Closter Cinemas
As it beckons our shared name
Home.

--

and it hurts
that i still care
i'm trying to forget it
but i can't.
please understand.

and if i'm not bleeding,
you can just assume i'm doing fine.
and if my hands seem dry,
you can just assume it's cold outside.
i'm sorry Mom, i've been lying this whole time.
but don't you worry now, 'cause i've been talking to Caroline.

let me feel alive.
Track Name: Boys of Bummer
don't make me go,
i'm just a kid
in a sea of mystery.

if i employ all the feelings that i own,
i'd walk away a man.
if i gathered all the people that i know,
they'd say i'm the same.

what a fool i am,
for letting me sleep in.

i'm still around,
waiting for someone
to ask me who i am
so i can find
the blood i lost today

i'm stuck inside
a life that many
fail to understand:
a box of toys,
no transportation,
but a bed for sleeping in.